Beis Halevi on Ahavas Yisrael

A young man once came to Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach and said that he and his wife were constantly arguing and he felt they should get divorced. Rav Shlomo Zalman said, "It is normal for couples to disagree about things and even to argue." The young man countered, "But when the Rav eulogized his late wife, he said that although the custom is for the living to beg forgiveness from the departed, he has e had nothing for which to apologize. Obviously the Rav and Rebbetzin never argued." Rav Shlomo Zalman said, "Of course we had disagreements. That is perfectly normal. Two people see things dif never ferently and have conflicting ideas about what to do. We argued about issues, but it was never personal."

Rav Wolbe comments that the Rambam calls his section on character traits "Hilchos Dei'os, The Laws of Mindsets," because it is all about a mindset. How a person reacts and feels are rooted in his thoughts.

A legendary story is told about Rav Chaim Volozhiner, who founded the famous Yeshivah of Volozhin. When he initially had the idea of opening the yeshivah, he approached his rebbi, the Gaon of Vilna, to ask his opinion. The Gaon told him he didn't think it was a good idea. One year later, he went again to ask about starting the yeshivah. This time, the Vilna Gaon asked him a few questions and told him he approved of the idea. Rav Chaim asked him what had changed from the previous year when he had not approved of the idea. The Vilna Gaon said that the previous year, Rav Chaim had been filled with excitement and exuberance, and he was concerned that maybe his enthusiasm wasn't coming from the right place. He feared that Rav Chaim was too excited for it to be I'sheim Shamayim. But when Rav Chaim came the second time, he was calmer, so the Gaon saw that he was coming with the right intention.

"It would seem that there are many character traits in the world and in the nature of people, and they are opposite one to the other, truly from one extreme to another to the extent that one could say that every person is like a divergent species (minim shonim)"